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Dealing with stubborn kids

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1. Listen, don’t argue

Communication is a two-way street – if you want your child to listen to you, you need to listen to them first.

A determined child usually has strong positions and can be argumentative – if they feel that their voice isn’t being heard, their tone can become defiant and disrespectful.

Most of the time when your child insists on doing something that you asked them not to, or the opposite – listening and talking about what is bothering them can relieve the tension and help you persuade them to act the way you want them to.

So how do you teach a stubborn five-year-old to listen to you?

Let them lead the way, give them space to express themselves in a calm and practical way, and don’t try to go "head to head" with them.

2. Communicate with them, don’t force them

When children are forced to do something against their will, they tend, by their very nature, to rebel and do everything in their power to disobey. To overcome this, you need to communicate with your children and not force things on them.

For example, if your child insists on watching TV even after bedtime, don’t try to force them to stop watching. Instead, sit down with them and show them that you’re interested in what they’re watching. The more interest, concern, and open communication you show, the more willing they will be to come to you. In the end, when children communicate well with their parents they will most likely be interested in cooperating.

3. Give them options

Although they always seem small and relatively new in the world, it is worth knowing that children develop their own attitudes and opinions very quickly, and as we’re sure you can already tell, they don’t really like being told what to do. Therefore, when you want your stubborn child to do something, it is important that you give them choices and not just explicit instructions.

If, for example, they refuse to go to bed, instead of commanding them and trying to leave them with no choice, offer them something that will give them a choice in the matter, such as: "What story do you want me to read to you before you go to sleep?" – It is likely that in just a few moments you’ll see them tucked away in bed waiting to hear that story they picked.

However, you should know that giving a child too many options is also not good. If, for example, you ask them to choose one outfit out of their whole closet, this is a choice that may leave them confused and make it difficult for them to decide. You can avoid this problem if you limit their choice to just 2-3 options.

4. Stay calm

While arguing with a stubborn child can be very irritating and exasperating, scolding, shouting, and raising your voice to overcome their disobedience may make the situation even worse. Once you raise your tone, your child may see it as an invitation to a verbal war, and it can all just escalate into a useless shouting match. Since you are the adult in the picture, it is your responsibility to navigate the conversation to practical places and to find solutions, instead of losing your temper. To do this, before or after the conversation, do whatever you can to stay calm; Do breathing exercises, exercise or listen to soothing music at home, so your child can listen and calm down with you.

5. Respect them

If you want your children to respect you and your decisions, you have to respect them back; Your child will not accept your authority if you impose it on them. Here are some examples of how you can give and receive respect in your relationship:

  • Look for cooperation, not following instructions.
  • Set rules and boundaries for all your children, and don’t be negligent about enforcing them just because it’s convenient for you.
  • Identify with your child and never reject their feelings or ideas, nor underestimate them.
  • Let your child do what they can themselves, and fight the urge to do everything for them; Also, make sure to tell them that you trust them.
  • Lead by example – this is the mantra you should repeat to yourself and act on.

6. Negotiate

While negotiation is a concept that sounds like something you would conduct only in business or politics, it is also sometimes necessary when dealing with stubborn children. Children tend to behave negatively when they don’t get what they want, so when you want your child to listen to you, you need to understand what is stopping them from doing so.

Start by asking them questions such as: "What’s bothering you?", "Is something bothering you?", "Do you want something?" – all this tells them that you respect their feelings and desires and want to take them into consideration.

From here you can move forward to talk and negotiate with them. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to give in to all their demands, but you should be considerate and practical.

Source: Internet & Other

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Author: txnaturalpediatrics

By training, I am a American Board Certified Pediatrician. But in my younger years I grew up with natural alternatives. As a mom I have tried to incorporate both for my kids and it has worked wonders. And finally, as I am studying natural & alternative medicines, I realize the beauty and wisdom of living closer to earth. Hence in my practice I integrate both...for acute ailments I follow American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation but for simple and/or chronic conditions I prefer natural alternatives. In western training we were raised to think that "health is the absence of symptoms and problems". But eastern sensibilities has educated me that "Health is state that allows one to use the full capabilities of their body, mind and intellect. Therefore, healthy living is a balanced state of well being: physically, mentally, socially and spiritually." This implies that healing is not a "one-pill-fits-all", but a personalized experience.

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