A holistic approach to pediatric care in Frisco and Plano, Texas

Award winning, top rated Pediatrician serving Frisco, Plano, Allen and North Dallas


Leave a comment

Parenting difficult kids

That said, life is hard for kids who don’t comply or fit in. They may be disfavored by teachers, sitters, or family members, which can lead to self-doubt. When your kids don’t behave the way you expect them to, when they are disrespectful, when they hit or even make mistakes, many parents raise their voices and shout at their child. Sometimes, even if they don’t really want or mean to, it seems there is no other choice, however, you might be surprised to hear that yelling does more harm than good. Not only does it make you feel guilty, but your children will live in a stressful environment where at any moment their favorite person may raise their voices. Want to stop this harmful habit?

little boy screaming out from quarrel
Crying/Cranky child

1. Understand that shouting isn’t effective

Shouting doesn’t stop someone from being annoying. Then why do so many parents think it is normal to yell at their children to try and change them? Parents think that yelling is ok but yelling belittles kids and undermines the parent-child bond.

Communicate about how it is going. Listen to what your child says and observe where there is a spike in emotion. This will give you a clue to the crux of the matter if they have not told you directly. Kids may not be able to articulate what is wrong, but they reveal it through behavior or affect (emotion). Being heard goes a long way; when a child feels less alone, he or she is more motivated to comply without feeling controlled.

2. Instead of yelling, say “Stop it!”

Repeat if necessary, and avoid raising your voice. According to one of the studies, children whose parents yell at them or even hit them have an 80 percent chance of repeating the treatment they received that same day, and 50 percent chance of returning to do it within a few hours. So, repeat your message and emphasize it without raising your voice or your hands on your children.

3. Take a deep breath

You’ve already told your child to pick up his/her toys and get ready for bed, but when you returned after 5 minutes to their room, their toys were still everywhere. Instead of losing your temper, close his eyes and breathe deeply. “Take a break,” says Michelle LaRowe, author of the book “A Mom’s Ultimate Book of Lists.” While you’re in “time-out,” think about what you will tell your child without yelling.

4. Speak in a calm but firm voice

Using a firm voice, even if it is soft, is the most effective way to influence the child.  When you speak in a calm but firm soft voice, children have to work to listen—and they almost always do. The calmer and softer you speak, the more impact your words will have, You can even try to whisper, and not only will your child understand your instructions better, you also won’t lose your voice trying to convey your message to them.

5. Teach the child good behavior

Just as you wouldn’t yell at a child who falls when they are first learning how to ride a bicycle, there is no reason to shout at a child who is learning how to behave. Parent’s most important role is to teach the child how to behave correctly, and to explain to them why hitting is bad. It’s okay to be angry, but you do not have to hit, you can tell your friend that you’re angry at him with words. Yelling won’t help, but your explanation will teach the child how to behave.

6. Set rules and abide by them

One of the reasons why many parents get mad at their children is because children test limits, and this happens when parents don’t keep to their word when children break the rules. If your child is watching TV and you tell him/her to turn it off, but after five minutes still see the TV on and you say “turn off the TV or you’ll get punished” and after 5 minutes you’re still talking, and not acting, you’ll only find yourself frustrated. To prevent this, you must simply set clear rules and abide by them, without allowing your children to test you. If you specify a consequence, follow through.

7. Lower your expectations

You can’t sit a baby in a car for hours and expect them to remain calm, and you can’t expect a toddler to go to the mall for hours without getting tired. Know what to expect from your child by age and state of development, and act accordingly; limit your supermarket time or shop online instead of dragging your kids along for long stretches of boring shopping, and find ways to keep your children happy even when you can’t avoid it.

8. Don’t give your children attention when they demand it with negative behavior

Children to get attention from their parents, even if it sometimes is negative. Parents tend to give their children attention by praising them and giving them rewards for good behavior and punishing them for bad behavior, and your children will get what they can from you. Instead of responding with shouting, you may want to ignore children when they are acting out, such as when they cry to get your attention. If you yell at them, you’ll just be giving them what they want, teaching them that If they want your attention they need to be bad to get it.

Reward him or her for containing behaviors that provoke others. It could be ice cream or a toy but it could also be an interesting shared experience, like a movie or a road trip with one parent. Sharing what they like to do with them can help cement a strong identity.

9. Put yourself in your child’s shoes

If your boss yells at you, are you going to listen to him, or will you be busy feeling shame and anger? When you yell at your children, you risk damaging the sense of self-worth. Furthermore, they don’t actually have the chance to process what you’re saying because their busy focusing on how you’re saying it. If you want to teach your children what is acceptable and what is not, do it without making them feel shame and embarrassment.

10. Accept that you aren’t perfect

Your children have driven you crazy all day and you tried to keep cool, but in the end, there was one small case that made you lose your temper and yell at them – you raised your voice and now you can’t go back. Explain to them that it frustrates you when they don’t listen, and ask them to do better and that you will, too.

11. Get Help

Explore supports for his or her strengths. Support can come in the form of an opposite influence: If she tends to get revved up, maybe a calm friend will bring out the best in him or her.

Make your home an interesting place for your family as much as possible. Create a culture that works: strong consequences, clear rules, and a place where positive things happen, from meaningful conversations to cooked meals to friends coming over. This forms a base from which strong selves are made.


For more: see Parenting Resources

Source: Internet & Others

Photo: by Keira Burton on Pexels.com

The views expressed in this article should not be considered as a substitute for a physician’s advice. Always make sure to seek a doctor or a professional’s advice before proceeding with the home treatment plan.