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TEACHING YOUR KIDS TO SHARE

When your toddler refuses to share his favorite toy he isn’t really being selfish. He’s just acting his age. Sharing is a skill he’ll develop over several years. In the meantime struggles over toys will be common.

Teaching children to share is a hard task. But by taking it in stages and bringing empathy for the child’s view to the fore parents can build domestic peace, according to Henry Karp MD, author of “The Happiest Toddler on the Block.”

Children and fairness

Most children don’t understand the concept of “mine” and “yours” until they’re 3 years old. But toddlers, Karp says, “come with an innate sense of fairness, though it’s not usually quite in line with adults. With adults it is 50-50,” he says. “For toddlers it is more like 90-10. Here I’ll keep 90% and I’ll give you this one little toy.”

The first step, before jumping in to correct a child, (as most parents tend to do) is “to acknowledge the needs and the desires of the child.” Karp says, “When we just drop in and try to solve it, that doesn’t feel good. Children need to know that their desires are appreciated and respected.” And when your kid successfully shares a toy, reward the behavior with an enthusiastic high five or “nice job”. Even better, Karp says, “adults can give voice to Elmo telling a stuffed bear about the child’s behavior.

“We all pay more attention to what we overhear,” Karp says, “Children will appreciate the third party compliment. This technique might just leave you giggling together, which is good for everyone.”

Sharing Strategies

· Make sharing fun.

Teach your kid some cooperative fun games in which players work together towards a common goal. Share projects, share work, watering plants, sweeping the floor, unpacking things etc. At times give him some toys to share with his friends now and then. It can be a snack or some stickers occasionally will be fun.

· Prep for play dates.

Let your children choose some of their prized possessions to set aside before other children come over. Siblings, especially brothers or sisters can have some toys designated for them.

· Make it clear.

“Kids get a better sense of what you want if you use the term “taking turns”, Karp says. “ They have learned to take turns in infancy through babbled “conversations” with care-givers,” he says. Explain the toys work the same way everyone gets turn.

· Talk it up.

“You can notice and point out sharing in day today life,” Karp says. “Look at that man, he’s sharing the bread with the birds,” Pointing out what other people do is” Kemp says “an effective way of planting the seed.”

· Don’t punish stinginess

If you force, you will foster resentment not generosity. To encourage sharing use positive reinforcement rather than admonishment.

· Teach your youngster to problem solve

If your child and his friend are in a death grip for a toy, encourage them to take turns. Sharing is not the same as giving away, make them understand.

· Respect your child’s things.

When your child finds out his things are being man-handled by his younger friends, he will be very reluctant. He won’t be any mood to share. So whenever you take or plan to give his buddies any of his toys or books ask his permission. Give him the option to say ‘no.’ makes sure siblings, baby sisters and others in the house respect them.

· Lead by example.

Learn generosity is to witness it. Share ice cream, offer him scarf, and ask if you can try his hat. Use the word, “to share” to describe what you are doing. Let him see you give and take, compromise and share with others.


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MANAGING “CAIN AND ABEL” or SIBILING RIVALRY

WHAT IS SIBLING RIVALRY?

Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and/or sisters. Some children are lucky to become best friends with their siblings. And some have a love-hate relationship.

The first thing to realize is that sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up. It certainly drives parents crazy. Children are like little lawyers, always demanding fairness and equality and fighting for what they perceive are their natural-born rights. This kind of rivalry starts even before the second child is born and continues as the kids grow and compete for everything from toys to attention. As kids reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly affect how they relate to one another.

CAUSES?

• Each child is competing to define who they are as an individual. As they discover who they are, they try to find their own talents, activities and interests. They want to show that they are separate from their siblings.

• Children feel they are getting unequal amount of your attention and responsiveness. And the need evolves over time.

WHAT COULD YOU DO?

The key to remember: How parents treat their children and react to conflict can make a big difference in how well siblings get along.

• Be a role model. Children often fight more in families where parents think aggression and fighting between siblings normal and an acceptable way to resolve conflicts.

• Set ground rules for acceptable behavior. Tell the kids to refrain from hitting, cursing, name-calling, yelling, and no door-slamming. Solicit their input on the rules as well as the consequences, when they break them. This teaches kids that they’re responsible for their own actions, regardless of the situation or how provoked they feel and discourages any attempts to negotiate regarding who was right or wrong.

• Don’t get involved, unless it is absolutely necessary. Step in only if there’s a danger of physical harm. If you always intervene, you risk creating other problems. The kids may expect you to rescue all the time. They will be waiting for you to solve every time, rather than solving the problems themselves. You inadvertently will become the savior of one and the other will feel neglected. That would foster much resentment. By the same token, rescued kids may feel they can get away with anything because they’re protected. Always encourage the kids to resolve the crisis themselves.

• If the language or name calling is a problem, you’ve to talk and coach the child when they are calm. This is different from intervening or stepping in and separating the kids.

• Let not the children force you to think that everything has to be “fair” and “equal”. Life is not fair. Sometimes one kid needs more than the other.

• Be proactive in giving your kids one on one attention directed to their interests and needs. Stress in your Childs’ lives can shorten their fuses and decrease their ability to tolerate frustration, leading to more conflict.

• Make sure kids have their own space and time to do their stuffs without sibling tagging along.

• Have fun together as a family. This can help ease tensions between siblings. Parental attention is something many fights spring from. Also Stress in your lives can decrease the amount of time and attention parents can give the children and that increases the sibling rivalry.

• Don’t play favorites.

• Don’t compare your children.

• Let each child be who they are. Don’t try to pigeon hole or label them.

• Enjoy each of your children’s individual talents and successes.

• Set you kids to cooperate rather than compete.

• Teach your children positive ways to get attention from each other. Show them how to approach another child and ask them to play and share their belongings and toys.

• Celebrate your children’s differences.

• Let each child know they are special in their own way.

• Listen really listen to how your children feel about what’s going on in the family. They may not be so demanding if they know you at least care how they feel.

WHEN DO YOU NEED HELP

Seek help for sibling conflict if it,

• Is so severe that it’s leading to marital problems.

• Creates a real danger of physical harm to any family member

• Is damaging to the self-esteem or psychological well-being of any family member.

• May be related to other significant concerns, such as depression.

If something is bothering about the fights always talk to your doctor. Doctor may be able to guide you.


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HOW DO I QUIET MY CHILD’S TEMPER TANTRUM? THROUGH COMPASSION

Toddler’s world is filled with stress and strains like us adults. They are also very busy playing, learning and discovering new new things in their own small world. Toddlers are trying to master this world and when they aren’t able to accomplish a task, they turn to the only tool at their disposal for venting their frustration. That tool is called tantrum.

Tantrums are often the result of kid’s frustrations with the world. Temper tantrums is a sudden, unplanned display of emotion. It is not just an act to get attention. Tantrums enter into toddler’s world at the age of 2 and find its way out as he grows old by four. They are common in every child’s life as frustrations are an unavoidable part in their lives.

As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease. Toddlers tend to understand more than they can express. Imagine not being able to communicate what you want. A frustrating experience that may precipitate tantrums.

Increasing need for autonomy also causes tantrums. Toddlers want a sense of independence and control over environment. This creates a kind of power struggle.

Tantrum tactics.

The most important thing to remember is not to lose your cool. When you are faced with a kid in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause is, keep calm. Don’t get frustrated. Take deep breaths and think clearly.

Your child relies on you. Hitting and spanking won’t help. They send the message that using force and physical punishment are okay. That will lead to more negative behaviors.

First, try to understand what is going on with the child. Where the child is coming from. If the child is disappointed, he needs comfort. If he is hungry/sleepy, he may need food or sleep.

In a different situation, if the child is refused something, toddlers have a fairly simple reasoning skill. So you aren’t going to get far in explaining. Ignoring the outburst is one way to handle it.

Kids, who are in danger of hurting themselves and others, should be moved to a safer and quiet place.

Strategies in dealing with tantrums

· Make sure he is acting up because he isn’t getting enough attention. Shower the kids with attention. Even if the kid is playing, just talking to him, commenting and praising his behavior will go a long way. Rewarding him for good behavior helps a lot. This in turn will help to increase those positive behaviors.

· Try and give them control over small things. Like “Do you want apple or orange juice?” “Do you want to brush now or later?” “Where do you want to play?”

· Keep off-limits objects out of reach or out of sight. So the struggle becomes less.

· Distract the child. Take advantage of the short attention span of the toddlers. Replace the object. Take him away from the scene of action.

· Set the stage for success when the child is playing. When he is trying to master new task offer him age-appropriate toys or games. Start something simple before moving in to challenging ones.

· Consider the request carefully when the child wants something. Is it outrageous? May be it isn’t. Choose your battles. Accommodate when you can.

· Know your child’s limits. When the child is sleepy or tired it is not the time to go for a grocery shopping.

· If safety issue is involved, opt for time-out. Kids must understand that you are inflexible on safety issues.

After the upheaval of tantrums, what next?

· Don’t reward the child after tantrums. If you give in, then tantrums becomes a launching pad for the kid. If you allow yourself to be held hostage by tantrums, your kid will continue to use them perpetually.

· Toddlers will be vulnerable after tantrums. So now is the time for big hugs and reassurances that no matter what he is loved.

· Make sure your kid gets enough sleep and food on time. That will dramatically reduce the tantrums.

When do you need a doctor’s help?

· You are uncomfortable with your responses or you feel out of control.

· You keep giving in.

· The tantrum increases in frequency, intensity and duration.

· Your child hurts himself or others.

· Your child is destructive.

· Your child displays more low self-esteem, or extreme dependence.


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CIGARETTE FACTS

Cigarette has fire at one end and a fool at the other. Whenever you light a cigarette you actually are putting your health, your life expectancy and your money on fire. Cigarette industries earn about $400 billion a year as cigarette is the most traded item in the world. It is a sad truth that initially people start smoking to look cool, stylish and sexy and gradually they become dependent on smoking both physically and psychologically because nicotine is a highly addictive substance.

Something you perhaps didn’t know about Cigarettes, Cigars or Other Tobacco products.

· The American cigarette manufacturers sell less cigarettes to Americans as compared to the number that they sell to non-Americans.

· 70 % of the cigarette market is owned by major brands like Marlboro, Camel, Kent and kool.

· Out of total cigarettes sold all over the world, 25 % are smuggled.

· Legally tobacco cannot be sold to people younger than 18 years in most of countries except Japan where legal age for the purpose is 20 years.

· Within 10 seconds of inhalation of cigarette smoke, nicotine reaches every part of body including brain.

· Cigs are now added with flavors with toppings of substances like, clove, licorice, orange oil, apricot stone, lime oil, lavender oil, cocoa and many others.

· Sometimes, Urea, which is excreted in urine is used to flavor the cigarettes.

· There is a myth that smoking helps in digestion. In fact smoking slows digestion by diverting the blood towards other organs, away from intestine where it is required for digestion.

AND THE BEST

It has been proven by research that smokers’ life expectancy is reduced by 14 years.

Following is a short account of the most horrible diseases caused by smoking.

1. Respiratory disease: Smoking over a longer period of time can lead to development of breathing problems, commonly known as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). During first phase of the disease patient develops chronic bronchitis, which means longstanding inflammation of airways, followed by bronchiectesis, which means destruction of airways, and eventually emphysema, which means destruction of alveoli (small balloons where oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange takes place). Hence one shouldn’t smoke in the first place and if you have already started smoking quit it as soon as possible.

2. Gum Disease: Smoking can inflict serious damage and disease to oral mucosa and gums because it leads to deposition of toxins over gums and mucosa causing their staining.

3. Blindness: Recent research has revealed that smoking also contributes towards blindness by atrophy of muscles leading to degeneration of macula and by reducing blood supply leading to degeneration of retina.

4. Diabetes Mellitus: Not only the risk of developing diabetes is increased manifold by smoking but also that of developing secondary complications of diabetes like heart disease, vascular disease, stroke, kidney disease, eye disease and foot problems.

5. High BP: Smoking causes narrowing of the blood vessels resulting in increased blood pressure, which leads to increased risk of heart disease, peripheral vascular disease and stroke.

6. Peripheral Vascular Disease: Smoking causes atherosclerosis, which means deposition of fat on the inner side of the walls of the blood vessels and stiffening of these walls resulting in loss of their elasticity. These changes not only result in rise in blood pressure but also reduction in blood flow through the blood vessels. This impairment in blood flow can lead to tissue ischemia, which means death of tissues due to lack of blood supply, especially in legs. This ischemia can eventually lead to amputation of lower limbs, hence it is said that either you can have your cigarettes or your legs.

7. Stroke – Smoking causes vascular disease resulting in reduced blood supply to brain and weakness of walls of blood vessels. Hence stroke can result either from obstruction in blood supply to brain or from rupture of weak blood vessel wall resulting in bleeding into brain.

8. CANCER – Most common cancer caused by smoking is lung cancer. Other types of cancer that are caused by smoking include blood cancer, mouth, tongue, larynx, pharynx, esophagus, bladder, kidney, stomach, pancreas and cervix.

9. HEART DISEASE – Smoking causes atherosclerosis of the blood vessels, which means deposition of fat on the inner side of blood vessels and hardening of walls of blood vessels resulting in loss of their elasticity. Atherosclerosis of coronary arteries (arteries that supply blood to the heart itself) results in reduced blood supply to heart hence reduced work capacity of the heart while atherosclerosis of peripheral arteries results in increased resistance to blood flow and consequently putting increased work load over the heart. This imbalance in work load over the heart and blood supply to the heart results in extra stress and strain over the heart causing angina and myocardial infarction.

Takeaway:

TALK to your child about the dangers of smoking.


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SPIRITUAL POEM ON BECOMING A MAN

If

– Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!


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CHILDREN AND DISCIPLINE

Every river needs a bank and every road needs a lane; Likewise, every life needs discipline. “Discipline has to do with civilizing your child so they can live in society,” says psychiatrist Dr. Michael Brody. Yet many kids test their parent’s limits, when it comes to disciplining children.

Let’s be honest:

There are no magic wand or quick fix methods.

Every parent have experienced frustration at one time or another with issues surrounding children and discipline.

There is no one-size-fits-all for all parenting or discipline issues.

So let’s look at some easy and simples ways to good discipline.

Firewalls to Good behavior.

Parents run against several firewalls when trying to discipline their children.

· Children who are disrespectful and don’t listen

· Children who do listen, but defy or deliberately disobey your request for good behavior

Our responsibility as a parent is to help our child become self-reliant, respectful and self-managing.

All the other institutions (like family, relatives, schools, therapists, churches, health-care professionals) can help. But the primary responsibility for discipline rests with parents. The American Mental Health Association describes three styles of parenting.

· The Authoritarian Parent: (S)He has clear expectations and consequences but show little affection towards his/her child. The parent may say thing like, “I say so” or “Because I’m mommy, that’s why”. This is the less effective method of parenting.

· The Permissive Parent: (S)he shows lots of affection towards his/her child but provides little discipline. Parents bend over backwards to meet all the wants of the kids. This is also a less effective form of parenting.

· An Collaborative Parent: (S)He has clear expectations and consequences and is also affectionate towards his/her child. This type of parent employs flexibility and collaborative problem solving with the child when dealing with behavioral challenges. This is the most effective form of parenting.

Choosing Discipline Techniques.

The techniques you choose may depend on the type of inappropriate behavior your child displays. It also depends on child’s age, child’s temperament and your parenting style. The following styles are recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics, The American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and The National Mental Health Association.

Reward good behavior: “Catch them being good.” Compliment your child when he/she shows the behavior you’ve been seeking.

Natural consequences: Your child does something wrong and you let the child experience the result of that behavior. (This does not apply for safety issues.) There’s no need for you to “lecture.” The child can’t blame you for what happened. For example, if a child brakes his/her milk mug in spite of your warning, let him clean up the mess. Let him drink in a different and less attractive mug in the future. Let him experience the results of his action, however disappointing it may be.

Logical consequences:This technique is similar to natural consequences in that, it involves describing to your child what the consequences will be for unacceptable behavior. The consequences are directly linked to the behavior. For example, if he/she doesn’t clean up the toys scattered all over, the child won’t get the toys for a week.

Taking away privilege:There isn’t logical or natural consequence for a bad behavior. Sometimes you really don’t have time to think it through. In this case, the consequence for unacceptable behavior may be taking away privileges. For example, if a middle schooler doesn’t complete the said homework due to video games. Take away his electronic time till his work improves. This works best if the privilege is related in some way to the behavior. It should also be

· Something the child values and

· it should be taken away as soon as possible after the inappropriate behavior.

What About?

Spanking?Corporal (physical) punishment such as spanking is not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics or National Mental Association. Why? Because:

· Spanking may make the child more aggressive.

· Spanking can become more violent and harm the child.

· Spanking may cause children to think that it is okay to physically hurt someone we love.

Time outs: It works if you know exactly what the child did wrong. A thinking time. Time-out location should be a quiet and boring place. No bedrooms where he/she will play and go to sleep eventually. Not a place where he/she will get hurt himself. It only works when the children are 3 and older. With about a minute of time-out for each year of age. This works best with kids whom the separation from the parent is truly seen as a deprivation.

In Conclusion

Remember that in the end you are trying to raise a loving child who chooses the right path in life independently. Discipline is just a means of encouraging that behavior through external means. Use it wisely to help build their confidence and character.


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HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH AN OVERWEIGHT KID

STUDY

Researchers at the University of Minnesota Medical School said that conversations focusing on body weight and size are linked to an increased risk of unhealthy dieting, binging, and other weight-controlling behaviors in young people. Researchers asked 2,348 adolescents and 3,528 parents how they dealt with the topic of weight. They found that parents who talked to their overweight children about nutrition and healthy eating were less likely to have a child with an eating disorder than parents whose conversations focused on body weight and size.

DETAILS

Despite being a well wishing parent we usually mess up in the way we deal with overweight or obese children. The way we communicate could influence whether a child develops an eating disorder or not. This is especially important during adolescence. Adolescence can be a difficult time for anyone, and with rising social pressures, being body conscious isn’t unusual for children.

Besides choosing the right words, the best way to show the importance of nutrition over weight is to, you guessed it, “ lead by example”. A kid will follow more what their parents do, rather than what they say. More interestingly, Researchers found that fathers who had weight-centered conversations had children who were significantly more likely to diet or to practice other unhealthy weight-control behaviors.

SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

Parents should avoid conversations that focus on weight or losing weight and instead engage in conversations that focus on healthful eating, without reference to weight issues.

Parents not to use demeaning or shaming language and not to engage in badgering or harassment.

Parents should look for opportunities to lead by example, whether it’s picking the right foods at the supermarket or finding chances to exercise.

However, if a child is showing signs of an eating disorder, parents should take the child to a doctor because there could be other explanations for sudden weight changes, including depression and diabetes.


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DANGEROUS CHILD HEALTH MYTHS

MYTHS

Myth: Swimming less than an hour after eating is dangerous.

One study that examined all drownings in the United States found that fewer than one percent of all drownings occur within an hour after the person ate a meal. Much more dangerous, however, is swimming after consuming an alcoholic beverage. According to the CDC, alcohol use and intoxication is associated with up to half of all adolescent and adult deaths that occur while swimming recreationally.

Myth: Sunburns will “fade to a tan.

Sunburns and suntans are completely different. A sunburn means that the tissue in the skin has been overexposed to UV light, causing burning and inflammation. A suntan, on the other hand, is a result of moderate UV exposure, which causes skin cells called melanocytes to release a pigment called melanin. Melanin is a darker pigment that absorbs UV light, protecting the skin from UV damage.

Myth: People with darker skin do not need to use sunscreen.

People with naturally darker skin have more melanin in their skin, so their skin is more prone to absorb damaging UV rays, protecting them from sunburns. However, it is still possible for darker-skinned people to get sunburned when overexposed to the sun.

Myth: Salty sea water is good for cleaning cuts and other wounds.

home-made salt water is good for disinfecting cuts, sea water contains many germs and impurities that can actually cause harm if they enter the body through an open wound or sore. Tropical waters can also host some harsh bacteria, because warmer water encourages bacteria to grow.

Myth: Any type of cooking has the same effect/benefit

Steaming is one of the best ways to capitalize on a vegetable’s taste, color, and most importantly, its nutrients. Vegetables lose nutrients in the water they are cooked in. Healthful (and flavor-conscious!) chefs often save the water (in which vegetables is boiled) to make savory soups and other palatable recipes that require vegetable stock to regain some of the nutrients lost.

Myth: Small doses of adult medicines are safe for children.

Beware: Babies and kids are NOT small adults. Their body metabolizes drugs differently.

Myth: Teething can cause fevers in babies

Fever in a teething baby shouldn’t be written off and medical attention should be sought

Myth: Certain videos can help babies learn sooner

AAP says that the educational merit of media for children younger than 2 years remains unproven

Myth: Walkers are a safe way to help babies walk earlier

Remember, a baby in a walker can quickly and unexpectedly approach a staircase

Myth: Crib bumpers are a safe way to protect babies’ heads while they sleep

Risk of suffocation or sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) from crib bumpers is high enough that the AAP recommends all soft bedding, including bumpers, be removed from an infant’s crib.

Myth: Use breast milk to treat an ear infection

Breast milk does have some antibodies in it. But it also has lots of sugars in it that bacteria love to grow on.

Myth: Babies need water when it’s hot

Not true. Babies, like children and adults, need to stay hydrated. Use Electrolytes.

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